What story are you telling yourself that isn’t nurturing your soul?
I’ve been thinking about this question recently as Tom and Zachariah have been running around in my mind. The time is drawing close for me to enter Tom’s world again as I begin to write the third book in the Thomas Angel Trilogy, and my mind is slowly interweaving with Tom’s and what he believes is his truth.
If I was given only three words to describe Tom it would be Afraid, unloved, and weird. But that’s because I’m inside Tom’s head and that’s how he sees himself. How would I describe Tom as an outsider? Brave, adventurous and loved. And that’s the essence about the stories we all tell ourselves, it doesn’t matter what the truth is, it’s our perception that changes. To the outside world Tom is a warrior, a leader in training if you like. Taught and loved by both Felix and Claudia as well as his best friend Zachariah and Meissa, his beloved. They don’t see Tom the way he sees himself, as a terrified ginger, forever making mistakes and getting things wrong, they see him as a strong, resilient young tom cat, who’s terrifying genealogy would make many a kitten run and hide, but who have seen Tom stand up for what he believes in time and time again, no matter what the personal consequences for his own safety.
So, what stories are you telling yourself that aren’t serving you? Do you believe you’re too scared to do what you desire, do you think everyone is laughing at your attempts at being brave in whatever arena, be it writing, painting or wherever your passion lies. The truth is other people are too busy thinking about themselves than to worry about you. They’re fighting the demons in their own minds, so we are all walking around with our own perceptions of ourselves and thinking everyone else can see inside our minds to see who we really think we are, not who we portray to the outside world. Short answer, they’re not. In my experience when you meet someone for the first time you have a feeling about them, it’s not about how they look or what they are doing, but it’s an animal instinct that we all have, you can feel a person’s energy and quintessence, and that is much more important than the outside we portray to the world.
It reminds me of the scene in book two, Thomas Angel and the Clach Na Cait, where Tom along with his friends, meet with the three Cailleach’s in the forest at night. They do not see the scrawny ginger orphan he started our story as, they can see into his soul, the visceral being he is, to the true leader and powerful being he is.
And that’s maybe what we all need to consider in those dark nights of the soul we all have. How do the stories we tell ourselves, differ from the stories that we are living. Are you living from your souls highest power? Or are you allowing the external forces around you choose your path for you?
As Felix says to Tom, ‘the power is within you, you just have to believe it.’